15.

Yesterday night was brutal.

Andy is closing in on 4 months, so I thought it might be a good time to ease our way into sleep training. And just for the record, when it comes to sleep training, there is no such thing as ease. We put him down without much difficulty around 9, but after he awoke at 12:30 (for a feed, which I guess was okay because we were just heading to bed), he would not go back down. For some reason, I thought “Hmm, let’s see if crying it out will work”. I let him cry for 5 minutes, then as the method instructs, I headed in to reassure him for a brief time before leaving him to cry again. I was supposed to wait for 10 minutes as my next interval before heading in to reassure him, but at 8 minutes I could not take it anymore. I went in, attempted to calm him from a distance, then promptly picked him up to comfort him.

How foolish of me.

He calmed down right away. No damage done. And so I gently placed him back in his crib and headed back to bed. Of course, before I even left his room, he was wailing again. “Stay strong, Catherine” I told myself. I turned the sound off on our video monitor, and waited for him to calm down. Just before the 5 minute mark, he put himself to sleep.

Sadly, this did not last.

About forty minutes later, he started screaming again. I made it to 5 minutes, went in to reassure him, but again could not make it to the 10 minute mark. In my frustration, even though it was close to 2 in the morning and Kelvin was asleep, I threw a little fit in our room and tried to drown out his crying by placing the pillow over my head while kicking (and screaming). After a declaration of “I can’t take this anymore!” I picked up my pillow, the monitor, and my phone, and headed to the basement. “Perhaps if the crying was not as piercing, my willpower would be stronger” I thought. I set my alarm for 15 minutes and tried to sleep until the next “checkpoint”. For those of you who are wondering, yes, I could still hear him from the basement. But thankfully, no, I did not need to head back upstairs. He fell asleep about a minute before my alarm was due to go off.

But alas, as is the case each morning, all is well in the world, as my sweet boy once again returns.

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As for mommy (because for some reason, now that I have a child, I refer to myself in third person all the time), this was a big week. I sent in some applications (more on this next week) that have the potential to dramatically change both my professional and social/community life and am eager to hear back. I also spent some time working on a wedding program for some good friends of ours. Matching their invitation stylistically was a big jump for me, as their entire suite is much more delicate than my work normally is. But as is often the case, these are the things that help you to grow and develop. Diversity is the spice of life. And for that I am very thankful.

Now for some things from around the internet.

I’ll be heading to Hong Kong in February for this conference. I won a free ticket through a twitter chat that I frequently participate in, and registration finally opened!

We need more beautiful learning spaces in Canada. Like the ones created by this firm in Japan (link to their Facebook, not their site…since their site is in Japanese).

Love the mandate of this website.

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3 thoughts on “15.

  1. Hi Mama, great post. Your son is so adorable! I loved reading about your experience. I want you to know that you’re not alone. I remember being in your shoes and you need to do what’s best for you and your family! Whatever keeps you sane! Books will say one thing, but some people who write them have never been mothers! Do whatever works for you and your boy. It’s so important that he sees you smile, not stressed about doing things “the right way.” If you need to co-sleep, do it! If you don’t want to hear him cry it out, don’t force yourself! The tears aren’t worth it. Other readers might chastise you for saying that, but I feel like a much happier Mom because I did what FELT RIGHT, even if it wasn’t always what the books and society says. Keep posting and sharing beautiful experiences with your handsome babe! We, as a Mommyblogger community, need to stick together! :)

    1. Hi Ina! Thank you so much for your kind words :) We’re trying the whole cry it out thing again tonight (checking in on him in 2 minutes…) and hoping that starting at a normal bedtime as opposed to at 1 in the morning will help us be a lot more successful. I popped over to your blog and just wanted to say that a lot of what you talk about really resonates with me! How old is your little guy?

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