this afternoon, kelvin and i listened to a whole slew of sunder krishnan sermons via the rexdale alliance website. something i love about listening to his sermons is that he is so passionate about living rightly, and he really reflects all the glory to God and not to himself. we listened specifically to his series on idols, and it dawned on me that there are a million different ways for us to screw up in what we do and in our relationship with God. but God is good, and He is merciful. his grace covers us, and that is something that we cannot earn or work towards, but it is something that is freely given.
something that i have always struggled with is this notion that i need to be happy all the time. in my junior high years, i felt a strong pressure to portray optimism, whether authentic or artificial, and this is something that has followed me into my adulthood. it has also affected my prayer life – keeping me from praying with abandon. i am so reserved and timid in what i ask, and this reflects how i see God. frequently, i forget who God really is, and i try to mold him into an image that i can comprehend. how wrong i am in doing this!
coupled with that, i am starting to realize the pervasiveness of some of the idols i hold in my life. whereas others may have money or status as idols, i cling to control and security. i want to know that i have things together and that i can make things happen. with every achievement, i feed my ego rather than give glory to God, and pride starts to take root in my heart. sunder’s message on idolatry really spoke truth into my life, and one catchphrase that he kept on repeating was “idols cannot be removed; they need to be replaced”. it is futile to try with my own strength to let go of the control i want or the security i crave. take a listen to his “canadian idols” series for his inspiring message.